Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Tuesday's Mental Musing

I am sometimes not as nice as I seem. Most of the time I am, but there are times that I can be a true bitch and though I try to keep that part of me in check I know that we can not have light without dark so totally denying that aspect of myself isn't good. Rather than ignoring it when I am feeling mean and evil I stop and give in, usually in the privacy and space of my thoughts.

I accept the fact that I hope that man who refused to give up his train seat to the lady so pregnant she couldn't see her toes trips up the stairs on his way out of the subway, breaks his leg and then has to stand on every train ride to and from work until it heals because no one will give him a seat despite having a leg caste so huge he has to sacrifice a pair of suit trousers that cost more than a month's rent. I laugh at myself when I hope the oh-so-hip girl laughing at the girl grasping-at-who-she-is gets a pimple the size of Staten Island on her nose the day year book pictures are being taken. I cringe and work through the hope that the asshole that hurt me never finds love and that the next woman hurts him so that he become impotent with fear, literally and figuratively. I have visions of having feet so large, yes picture clown feet, that it is easy for me to stomp all the over eager shoppers that push passed me to reach for the t shirt pile I was standing in front of.

In the end I stop, breathe, acknowledge these feeling, my sick sense of humor, and try to see things from the angle of those whose behavior makes them surface in me. It is then that I pray for understanding.

I pray that the gentlemen looks up from his long day and sees the pregnant woman as his sister or wife and extends a spot of rest in her long day. I pray that the oh-so-hip girl recognizes her sister in the girl grasping-at-who-she-is and smiles in admittance that she too questions who she despite the air of grasping it and that smile makes the girl still finding her way stand a bit taller. I pray that the insensative man that couldn't see that his behavior is a pattern in his relationships with women finds a lesson in his life that will teach him that love is not a word to use to excuse his behavior. I pray that my feet don't grow as I age because I am still working on my issues with overzealous shoppers...

No comments:

Related Posts with Thumbnails