Tuesday Mental Musings

Last week a friend and I met for happy hour. I was approached by a tall and handsome man. He bought me a drink and we proceeded to have a conversation. There was a lot of flirting going on and the topic of relationships came up. His response to my question of whether or not he was involved was "it's complicated" and proceeded to ask me for my number. Unfortunately the complexity of his situation was too complex for me to consider extending my self beyond our drink and conversation. We parted with me wishing him luck with simplifying it.

This is not the first time I have seen or heard this phrase. At the risk of alienating some friends I have even seen it in the relationship areas on their profiles. Still "It's complicated" perplexes me each time I run across it because I see it as a way of avoiding confirmation of your commitment and remaining open to possibility that may or may not replace it.

Each time I read or hear the phrase I can't help but I wonder what is so complicated about it? Either you're in a relationship or not. Either you're married or not. Either your separated or not. Either you're dating or not. Either you're in an open relationship or not. The details of your status may be complex but as far as what it is and what your partner believes what is between the two of you isn't. What is so complex about that?

I have been in complex relationships and have had to work my way out (mostly because of my own attachments) but once again I refer to owning one's behavior and behaving honorably. Regardless of the perimeters of the relationship, I am in it and there is nothing complex about admitting my status. My commitment is my priority and sorting it out is between me and the man I am partnered to. This doesn't mean I don't have male friends, but it does mean that those friends and the man I am involved with know of my relationships and friendships which sets firm perimeters. Nothing complex about it.

My question to those that use the term "it's complicated" is do your partners know how complicated it is? Do your partners know that you are seeking other means of satisfaction outside of your agreement, even if the arrangements are open? And if yes, in my case as least, can you provide me with a signed affidavit and/or allow me to contact your partner for verbal confirmation as reassurance before I become involved in something too complex? (lol)