People are always bitching and moaning about how others misbehave and mistreat them. I have done my share of complaining. I know that complaining can bring to the surface issues that make us feel uncomfortable, especially when in our discomfort most of us reach for anger first. Voicing our complaints is definitely an outlet for stress and most of us have to bitch and moan before we can get to a place where issues can be spoken about in a productive way that can actually help us work towards a resolution.
Of course it takes two to create a situation. Family dynamics leave a great impression on us and we often build relationships based on the behavior we have been taught. So remembering that we are 50% at fault may humble us enough to stop to take self-inventory during our ranting even if it’s after we ripped and raved against it all. The key is to understand that regardless of how much we note fault, review misbehavior or attempt to define what shouldn't or should have happened in the end it is our choice to stay in situations that make us unhappy.
Now there are those of you reading this thinking I can’t just divorce my spouse, quit my job or end a lifelong friendship today. This may be true, especially since we will always bring with us part of the issue that belongs to us, but it is our choice to accept the behavior of others and most of us forget that we each have the freedom to eliminate our interaction with the things that may mistreat us. If elimination isn’t an option we also have the choice to consider how we communicate and behave with those who cause us grief. We can let them know what offends us, ask them to consider how we can get pass the issues at hand and improve the relation and most importantly listen when they respond.
If they don’t respond you have your answer.
If they respond in an aggressive or abusive manner you have your answer.
If they listen and agree to work at having the type of interaction you hope to have with them but continue to behave in an offensive manner you have your answer.
If they listen and agree to work at having the type of relationship you hope to have with them you have your answer