It's been a long winter and spring is still just a promise. Aside from work and unavoidable social obligations I have pretty much spent the last few weeks hibernating and I don't plan on coming out until the first buds hit the trees.
It is the first time since I was a child that I can recall having the gift of winter down time. I must admit my relationship with doing "nothing" is a rocky one. Despite being able to cross some of my to-do-around-the-apartment tasks off the list I am still feeling very unproductive and in the silence I am reflecting upon many things that I have yet to do and coming face to face with things I must do in order to re center and re shift my priorities. These realizations aren't comfortable. I have wasted a lot of time and effort moving in the wrong direction and investing in the wrong situations and people. I have splintered my efforts and intent and fallen away from the path I chose to be on only to find myself stuck in the middle of supporting someone else's goals, not mine. And the cold of the winter is making me feel limited as to what I can do to affect the change I so need. All I can do now is think and plan and work though the discomfort of feeling trapped while the season changes.