The universe has this annoying habit of sending me blatant and obvious "hits" from people I no longer want in my life. You know the people I type of, people whose drama made your life hell, whose need to control or be controlled never allowed for a balanced connection, people whose presence in your life deteriorated your efforts and direction, and people who you just wanted gone because it's time for them to go. Despite banishing them from my life and my thoughts, admittedly after taking the time to look at things from all angles and trying to understand what the purpose of that time lost, it seems that just when I am feeling "safe" I am jolted back a bit by running into them or being reminded of them by strange coincidental occurrences and sometimes even hearing directly from them.
There was a time when I allowed others to affect me in a way that it hindered my progress. I let people steal my joy, to borrow a phrase that has been kicked around a bit. More importantly I let them steal my thunder and found myself floundering by the affects of being involved with these crazy makers. Either the encounters left me perplexed and feeling somewhat depleted so I couldn't feel myself or see my goals. Or I found myself walled up and detached from myself and my direction in protective mood. Either way I realized that I was desperately trying to find some type of mechanism that would help me cope with the selfish people I had let into my life, people that have no idea that what they do and how they place themselves in the world affects others. At times I foolishly believed that just being me and working through it would change others and fix what was between me and that person. I wanted to make things right. I was being selfish because I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and was trying to fix something that might not have been broken but rather should have never even been considered worth fixing. What I didn't understand was that in some cases all I could do was take my shoes off and swiftly walk away, but me being me I didn't. Instead I stood knee deep in it, sometimes going to the wall over and over again only to fall on my ass, until I knew there was nothing left to do but either destroy the house being built or run away.
The thing is I take my responsibility in it all. I know my desire to correct and fix, based on what I wanted or the other party projected they wanted, was a manipulation of what shouldn’t even been considered investing in, but sometimes circumstances and desires go against logic. I have learned that regardless of how balanced we are or how well we have insulated ourselves in this world with true and honest support and love we will always have encounters with those that only want you to support their illusion and have no intention of returning the favor in kind. And I don't like it! Not one bit!! But all I can I do is roll through it to get to the other side because lessons may make me stronger but I will be damned if the make me hard.
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