We all know we can't change others. Despite knowing this most of us will attempt to correct things and people outside of our true scope of control, our selves, because it seems easier. It takes a lot to change anything, especially our selves.
I am not ashamed to say that I am among the guilty. I have been known to try to communicate to people in hopes that they understand and begin to give me what they may not be capable of giving. I have been know to try to rectify situations that were a waste of effort and time because in the end regardless of what was said or done I came to realize that the expectations I have when it comes to relationships and environment were never going to be fulfilled by that which I fought to save. I have been known to waste my time.
It's my romantic nature that trips me up. There is a part of me that believes love will conquer all, effort and intent can fix it and desire can manifest anything. Of course this is only true when that which we are investing in fulfills much of the expectations we have in regards to the types of people, goal markers and relationships we truly want in our life. The problem is that we are programed to relate to, behave and expect to be rewarded in ways other than what we may truly desire. These lessons are taught by our environment and caretakers and are more often than not learned through observation and repetative behavior. We often reach for the familiar and known, even when it's wrapped in pretty package different from what we have ever seen. On the surface most of us equate change with unfamiliar and different. Because of this contradiction we can find our selves in a perpetual "Ground Hogs Day" rerun working for, dating and befriending the same people and finding our selves experiencing the same situations over and over and over again despite not wanting to and sincerely believing we are progressing. Changing our internal programing requires questioning our selves and examining our behavior, something most of us are loathe to do, especially when we feel we have been slighted or wronged. Doing so means that we must admit our part in it all and not totally blame others. It would mean stopping and admitting that we are the common denominator in all and that we are responsible.
I truly believe that in every situation we are involved in we are each our own common denominator. If we find our selves involved with the "same" people or confronting the "same" issues over and over again the problem lies not without but within and it is we that are the issue. This is not to say that the people and situations we are involved with at times don't have issues of their own or aren't part of the probelm, but because we can't change anyone else but ourselves it is we that must alter our behavior in order to avoid experiencing Deja Vu.
Knowing that I am the issue when I find myself repeating my history is a hard lesson to learn. It means being honest about my involvement in something that I may be embarassed or ashamed of being part of. It means not being the victim and taking charge of my own behavior. It means being responsible for what I project into the world in a real and honest way. It means accepting that I can not control it all even when I am required to control myself. It means having no expectations even when I am investing in something with hopes of results. Of course because of repetition I could justify my constant mistakes as being my life "lesson", but that's another Tuesday Mental Musing post..
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